Saturday, September 5, 2009

Hand Towels and Fart Candles

Hi Folks,

Just a quick note to let you know I am not dead!

We are expecting dinner guests in about 45 minutes and I cannot help but reflect on, yes, hand towels and fart candles.

You know, if you invite people to dinner they are usually just so glad to get a night away from the kids and get a free meal, that for the most part, they really won't quibble about the state of your house. The only exception to this, though, is your bathroom. This is because, especially if you feed your guests a lot of beer, they will be visiting that little room of yours at least once or twice through the evening. As your lady guests sit on the pot, they will no longer be distracted by food and thrilling conversation, so they then have time to really check out your loo. Make sure that all surfaces that can be peered at at sitting-on-toilet level are clean (looking) at the very least.

When you have eaten at other friends' houses, do you always look for the spot on the hand towel provided, for the least likely spot that other guests might have used (yes, those yucky-poopy other guests)? If so, ensure your dinner guests are not left pondering the very same thing about your questionable hand towel. Hang a huge bath towel. Yup, that way they can feel that, somewhat, that they have a good chance of avoiding any cross-guest contamination because there will be more space to wipe on!

What is the fart candle? It is that lovely candle that you put in the loo to eat any of the emissions that can be had in any fine bathroom. It is not for atmosphere. It is to spare your other guests from that one fella who had a burrito at lunch time.

Gotta go light that fart candle now! Bye!