Last Tuesday, I braved skytraining into pre-Olympic downtown Vancouver to visit a talent agency. Yes, a genuine talent agency. I had a sort-of appointment and everything! Of course, I know your immediate thought is, “Man, has God not granted Theresa more than her fair share of talents, enough already!” But seriously, folks it isn’t like that. I didn’t actually need any real talent to get signed onto this agency.
I signed on to be human wallpaper -also known as a background performer, or an extra for the movie and TV industry.
How I got this low-talent acting bug was by chaperoning my daughter, last month, to the eerie set at the old Riverview Hospital for a locally-shot-but-pretending-to be-an-American-city TV show. My kid was hired to play a wan, thin, pathetic orphan at an orphanage. She was perfect for the role as she is a wan and thin kid. She is, however, not pathetic; she was expertly acting that part.
We were there for the better part of the day (9:00-3:00) and there was a lot waiting around, but there was some great eats to be had. From what I had read, extras are considered the bottom of the food chain in the industry, and therefore, should not always expect to be able to eat with any of the higher-ups from the catering truck. But at this particular set, we were granted this special privilege. Woo-hoo, spaghetti! Even the chaperones were fed. I blew my low-carb diet that day.
My daughter and I came out pretty pleased from the experience. She got to miss a day of school and got paid for it and I got to sit around all day working on some illustration sketches for a client. The pay, though, is nothing to get excited about; it’s about $10 an hour for extras, but for a kid, it’s awesome –and better than babysitting. My kid needs the money. Being a pint-sized fashionista can get expensive.
A couple days later, the agent, Bruce, emailed all the agency members asking, no begging, for extras for a Japanese commercial being shot the following week. Hoping I was Asian enough (French Canadian & Chinese) to pass, I e-sent him my picture. At first it looked good, as the Japanese director was getting desperate enough to take any ol’ Asian, but then it fell through by the weekend. Oh well. Then I brilliantly thought, "Heck, why don’t I just sign up too? After all, I am a freelance illustrator/writer/stay@home-mom, and therefore have a very flexible schedule, and make next to no money anyway, so why not?"
So, last Tuesday was payroll day for the Riverview shoot and I had earlier sent an email to Agent Bruce asking that since they already had my picture in their files, could I sign up when I came by the office to pick my kid’s cheque? Agent Bruce said sure, come sign up! Boy, what a hard sell. And the agency: despite my stereotypical-Hollywood-based preconceptions of what a talent agency would look like (smoky, poorly lit, a worn out couch in the corner) it was a rather pleasant, sunny little office. And instead of my stereotypical-Hollywood-based preconceptions of what a talent agent would be like (swarmy, cigar-smoking, loud-talking) Agent Bruce was an ordinary 30-something dad-of-two-kids kind of guy.
Agent Bruce took a couple photos of me, gave me my kid’s cheque (then I gave him a cheque for the agency’s 15% cut) and I was done like dinner. As I walked back to the train station in the pre-Olympic bustle of the city, I gleefully thought to myself, I have an agent! OK, so Agent Bruce is not a book agent from the publishing industry (a Holy Grail dream of mine) but I can lay claim to an agent now–even if it is for human wallpaper work.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Ode to a Kilt -Happy Belated Birthday Robbie Burns!
Ode to a Kilt
By Theresa Henry-Smith
(good for a toast to the lads)
As a lass, let me tell you
What sets girls afire,
Is a type of wool cloth
That is worn by the squire.
There’s not any question
That a lad is street-smart in
A fine pleated kilt
With his proud family tartan.
We lasses delight
At the gustiest breeze,
As we might catch a glance
Of a masculine knee!
The mystery and wonder
Of what lies underneath,
Gives the kilt its appeal,
And even comic relief!
So kick up your brogans
And let’s toast a wee dram,
As while shorts make the boy,
T’is the kilt makes a man!
By Theresa Henry-Smith
(good for a toast to the lads)
As a lass, let me tell you
What sets girls afire,
Is a type of wool cloth
That is worn by the squire.
There’s not any question
That a lad is street-smart in
A fine pleated kilt
With his proud family tartan.
We lasses delight
At the gustiest breeze,
As we might catch a glance
Of a masculine knee!
The mystery and wonder
Of what lies underneath,
Gives the kilt its appeal,
And even comic relief!
So kick up your brogans
And let’s toast a wee dram,
As while shorts make the boy,
T’is the kilt makes a man!
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Hand Towels and Fart Candles
Hi Folks,
Just a quick note to let you know I am not dead!
We are expecting dinner guests in about 45 minutes and I cannot help but reflect on, yes, hand towels and fart candles.
You know, if you invite people to dinner they are usually just so glad to get a night away from the kids and get a free meal, that for the most part, they really won't quibble about the state of your house. The only exception to this, though, is your bathroom. This is because, especially if you feed your guests a lot of beer, they will be visiting that little room of yours at least once or twice through the evening. As your lady guests sit on the pot, they will no longer be distracted by food and thrilling conversation, so they then have time to really check out your loo. Make sure that all surfaces that can be peered at at sitting-on-toilet level are clean (looking) at the very least.
When you have eaten at other friends' houses, do you always look for the spot on the hand towel provided, for the least likely spot that other guests might have used (yes, those yucky-poopy other guests)? If so, ensure your dinner guests are not left pondering the very same thing about your questionable hand towel. Hang a huge bath towel. Yup, that way they can feel that, somewhat, that they have a good chance of avoiding any cross-guest contamination because there will be more space to wipe on!
What is the fart candle? It is that lovely candle that you put in the loo to eat any of the emissions that can be had in any fine bathroom. It is not for atmosphere. It is to spare your other guests from that one fella who had a burrito at lunch time.
Gotta go light that fart candle now! Bye!
Just a quick note to let you know I am not dead!
We are expecting dinner guests in about 45 minutes and I cannot help but reflect on, yes, hand towels and fart candles.
You know, if you invite people to dinner they are usually just so glad to get a night away from the kids and get a free meal, that for the most part, they really won't quibble about the state of your house. The only exception to this, though, is your bathroom. This is because, especially if you feed your guests a lot of beer, they will be visiting that little room of yours at least once or twice through the evening. As your lady guests sit on the pot, they will no longer be distracted by food and thrilling conversation, so they then have time to really check out your loo. Make sure that all surfaces that can be peered at at sitting-on-toilet level are clean (looking) at the very least.
When you have eaten at other friends' houses, do you always look for the spot on the hand towel provided, for the least likely spot that other guests might have used (yes, those yucky-poopy other guests)? If so, ensure your dinner guests are not left pondering the very same thing about your questionable hand towel. Hang a huge bath towel. Yup, that way they can feel that, somewhat, that they have a good chance of avoiding any cross-guest contamination because there will be more space to wipe on!
What is the fart candle? It is that lovely candle that you put in the loo to eat any of the emissions that can be had in any fine bathroom. It is not for atmosphere. It is to spare your other guests from that one fella who had a burrito at lunch time.
Gotta go light that fart candle now! Bye!
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Daytime TV Bites!
OK, who out there just has the time to do this? Besides, other than sneaking in the odd Oprah show when I have to fold laundry, just about everything bites during the day. Most of those daytime time talk shows are warping the minds of our nation’s shut-in seniors. This vulnerable group probably thinks that all their neighbours are cross-dressers, polygamists, or Satanists! And all those ads that are always trying to get you to sign up for Medical Office Assistant School! Is there a shortage of medical office assistants out there, or something?
How do I deal with this?:
I just don’t bother turning the thing on. Life’s too short - and it cuts into my reading time.
How do I deal with this?:
I just don’t bother turning the thing on. Life’s too short - and it cuts into my reading time.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Do a Hug Bug
Best way to get to get your teens out the house (and OFF your computer!) during the summer holidays:
When they come into the room, start singing "Four hugs a day! That's the mininum!" and then demand those hugs. At least four, of course. Keep singing till you get those hugs, or until you repel them out of the house.
I love you Charlotte Diamond!
When they come into the room, start singing "Four hugs a day! That's the mininum!" and then demand those hugs. At least four, of course. Keep singing till you get those hugs, or until you repel them out of the house.
I love you Charlotte Diamond!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Cheap Trick
This is a letter that I attempted to send to More Magazine regarding an article by Jennifer Allford, The Era of the Frugalista. It is a lite commentary about, because of tighter economic times, cheap now chic, and “frugal is the new black”. If you haven’t already guessed, Frugalista is a play of its antonym, fashionista. I wrote this comment on why I think being cheap has always been the cat’s meow for me. Unfortunately, my letter was too big and it was rejected from the magazine ‘s on-line comment box. Well, I didn’t want to shorten it, so I gave up on giving a More Magazine response. “That’s OK” , I thought, “I’ll just hang on to this and share with you guys.. “
I too, am of the sisterhood of frugality. And it's not just about saving money; it's fun. I cherish the challenge of finding a pair of $120 jeans for $14. I also enjoy giving myself the frugal gift of self reliance. I can colour my own roots and I streak my own hair at home. Last Spring , at a fancy party, I received many compliments on my hair and people kept asking for my hairdresser’s number!
Why so frugal? It's a hangover from my poorer college days. When I actually started getting a paycheque in the working world, I thought, "Why should I have to give up my treasure hunts?" This way of thinking extends well into the larger economic and environmental decisions in my life. When the folks who are now spending a small bomb to furnish their homes with pricey, trendy, modern furniture find it filling up the landfills 20 years from now, my quality, “second hand” antique furniture finds will still be looking great, and likely be worth more than I paid. Is this cheap? No, it's smart! Besides, I’d rather put the time into drawing, writing, or into my vegetable garden -not redecorating my house every five years.
This way of thinking has also helped shape the biggest financial and lifestyle decision of our family’s life: buying a house. We bought a cheaper, smaller home in a great neighbourhood, and we bought “second hand”. Granted, older homes present some challenges in terms of repairs and upgrading, but our 120 year old house is solid and will likely, in the very least, maintain its value, and outlast a lot of the poorly built, more expensive ,“luxury (leaky) condos” being built in BC, these days. And again, the environmental angle favours the frugal; we are not contributing to the tons of waste material produced to build a new home.
Recently, to save money on vacations, I’ve been looking into home exchange holidays. That is, free accommodation in another exchanger’s house in exchange for a free stay at your house. And please note: apparently, an older, cute little home filled with antiques, does attract other potential exchangers!
So be proud, my fellow frugal sisters. Our more thoughtful and careful spending ways teaches us to be more self reliant, environmentally-friendly, and when your friends stop spending long enough to see how happy you are, they may consider becoming “cheaper” too.
I too, am of the sisterhood of frugality. And it's not just about saving money; it's fun. I cherish the challenge of finding a pair of $120 jeans for $14. I also enjoy giving myself the frugal gift of self reliance. I can colour my own roots and I streak my own hair at home. Last Spring , at a fancy party, I received many compliments on my hair and people kept asking for my hairdresser’s number!
Why so frugal? It's a hangover from my poorer college days. When I actually started getting a paycheque in the working world, I thought, "Why should I have to give up my treasure hunts?" This way of thinking extends well into the larger economic and environmental decisions in my life. When the folks who are now spending a small bomb to furnish their homes with pricey, trendy, modern furniture find it filling up the landfills 20 years from now, my quality, “second hand” antique furniture finds will still be looking great, and likely be worth more than I paid. Is this cheap? No, it's smart! Besides, I’d rather put the time into drawing, writing, or into my vegetable garden -not redecorating my house every five years.
This way of thinking has also helped shape the biggest financial and lifestyle decision of our family’s life: buying a house. We bought a cheaper, smaller home in a great neighbourhood, and we bought “second hand”. Granted, older homes present some challenges in terms of repairs and upgrading, but our 120 year old house is solid and will likely, in the very least, maintain its value, and outlast a lot of the poorly built, more expensive ,“luxury (leaky) condos” being built in BC, these days. And again, the environmental angle favours the frugal; we are not contributing to the tons of waste material produced to build a new home.
Recently, to save money on vacations, I’ve been looking into home exchange holidays. That is, free accommodation in another exchanger’s house in exchange for a free stay at your house. And please note: apparently, an older, cute little home filled with antiques, does attract other potential exchangers!
So be proud, my fellow frugal sisters. Our more thoughtful and careful spending ways teaches us to be more self reliant, environmentally-friendly, and when your friends stop spending long enough to see how happy you are, they may consider becoming “cheaper” too.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Teen Rhyme
The Age of Reason
Teenager, teenager,
Why are you so loud?
Why do you freak out?
To things not allowed.
Why do you get whiney?
And make so much noise,
To my “NO!” to a sleepover,
That includes girls and boys.
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