Hand Towels and Fart Candles

Hi Folks,

Just a quick note to let you know I am not dead!

We are expecting dinner guests in about 45 minutes and I cannot help but reflect on, yes, hand towels and fart candles.

You know, if you invite people to dinner they are usually just so glad to get a night away from the kids and get a free meal, that for the most part, they really won't quibble about the state of your house. The only exception to this, though, is your bathroom. This is because, especially if you feed your guests a lot of beer, they will be visiting that little room of yours at least once or twice through the evening. As your lady guests sit on the pot, they will no longer be distracted by food and thrilling conversation, so they then have time to really check out your loo. Make sure that all surfaces that can be peered at at sitting-on-toilet level are clean (looking) at the very least.


When you have eaten at other friends' houses, do you always look for the spot on the hand towel provided, for the least likely spot that other guests might have used (yes, those yucky-poopy other guests)? If so, ensure your dinner guests are not left pondering the very same thing about your questionable hand towel. Hang a huge bath towel. Yup, that way they can feel that, somewhat, that they have a good chance of avoiding any cross-guest contamination because there will be more space to wipe on!


What is the fart candle? It is that lovely candle that you put in the loo to eat any of the emissions that can be had in any fine bathroom. It is not for atmosphere. It is to spare your other guests from that one fella who had a burrito at lunch time.

Gotta go light that fart candle now! Bye!

Daytime TV Bites!

OK, who out there just has the time to do this? Besides, other than sneaking in the odd Oprah show when I have to fold laundry, just about everything bites during the day. Most of those daytime time talk shows are warping the minds of our nation’s shut-in seniors. This vulnerable group probably thinks that all their neighbours are cross-dressers, polygamists, or Satanists! And all those ads that are always trying to get you to sign up for Medical Office Assistant School! Is there a shortage of medical office assistants out there, or something?

How do I deal with this?:
I just don’t bother turning the thing on. Life’s too short - and it cuts into my reading time.

Do a Hug Bug

Best way to get to get your teens out the house (and OFF your computer!) during the summer holidays:

When they come into the room, start singing "Four hugs a day! That's the mininum!" and then demand those hugs. At least four, of course. Keep singing till you get those hugs, or until you repel them out of the house.

I love you Charlotte Diamond!

Cheap Trick

This is a letter that I attempted to send to More Magazine regarding an article by Jennifer Allford, The Era of the Frugalista. It is a lite commentary about, because of tighter economic times, cheap now chic, and “frugal is the new black”. If you haven’t already guessed, Frugalista is a play of its antonym, fashionista. I wrote this comment on why I think being cheap has always been the cat’s meow for me. Unfortunately, my letter was too big and it was rejected from the magazine ‘s on-line comment box. Well, I didn’t want to shorten it, so I gave up on giving a More Magazine response. “That’s OK” , I thought, “I’ll just hang on to this and share with you guys.. “

I too, am of the sisterhood of frugality. And it's not just about saving money; it's fun. I cherish the challenge of finding a pair of $120 jeans for $14. I also enjoy giving myself the frugal gift of self reliance. I can colour my own roots and I streak my own hair at home. Last Spring , at a fancy party, I received many compliments on my hair and people kept asking for my hairdresser’s number!

Why so frugal? It's a hangover from my poorer college days. When I actually started getting a paycheque in the working world, I thought, "Why should I have to give up my treasure hunts?" This way of thinking extends well into the larger economic and environmental decisions in my life. When the folks who are now spending a small bomb to furnish their homes with pricey, trendy, modern furniture find it filling up the landfills 20 years from now, my quality, “second hand” antique furniture finds will still be looking great, and likely be worth more than I paid. Is this cheap? No, it's smart! Besides, I’d rather put the time into drawing, writing, or into my vegetable garden -not redecorating my house every five years.

This way of thinking has also helped shape the biggest financial and lifestyle decision of our family’s life: buying a house. We bought a cheaper, smaller home in a great neighbourhood, and we bought “second hand”. Granted, older homes present some challenges in terms of repairs and upgrading, but our 120 year old house is solid and will likely, in the very least, maintain its value, and outlast a lot of the poorly built, more expensive ,“luxury (leaky) condos” being built in BC, these days. And again, the environmental angle favours the frugal; we are not contributing to the tons of waste material produced to build a new home.

Recently, to save money on vacations, I’ve been looking into home exchange holidays. That is, free accommodation in another exchanger’s house in exchange for a free stay at your house. And please note: apparently, an older, cute little home filled with antiques, does attract other potential exchangers!

So be proud, my fellow frugal sisters. Our more thoughtful and careful spending ways teaches us to be more self reliant, environmentally-friendly, and when your friends stop spending long enough to see how happy you are, they may consider becoming “cheaper” too.

Teen Rhyme

The Age of Reason

Teenager, teenager,
Why are you so loud?
Why do you freak out?
To things not allowed.

Why do you get whiney?
And make so much noise,
To my “NO!” to a sleepover,
That includes girls and boys.

Kids Book Reviews!

Hey, I love kids books, and as I hope to publish one myself, one day, I've decided to do the odd kids books review in this blog.

Both of the books I have chosen are not only new, but by first time authors. The writers both, however, have backgrounds in the children’s book industry. I think both their authorial debuts are successful enterprises!

Always

By Ann Stott & illustrated by David Phelan
1st Edition, Published by Candlewick Press
Cambridge, Massachusetts, USA
Early Picture Book, ages 3 and under

Ann Stott’s background is in book design and so she was likely well prepared for her first book which was inspired by her mischievous youngest son. One day, after a day of reprimands by mom, he asked her “Do you still love me?” The author then realized, “...how important it was for him to hear I love him, no matter what he did.”

As a mom who has also dealt with a mischievous child, I can relate to how funny and trying a child can be when testing the boundaries of her parents love. For the child, the story offers up some funny and familiar scenarios that reassures her that she is not the only child, in the world, who has ever been naughty or forgetful. The simple and tender way the author shows that a parent’s love is unwavering, no matter what, is a comforting message to all small children.

As usual, what attracted to me to this book (besides being in the new book section of the library) was the artwork of David Phelan. His warm and simple pencil and water colour illustrations are both sweet and expressive. The interaction with dog and child is very endearing -especially when they sometimes become “partners in crime”. As an aspiring children’s book artist, I look to successful artists like Phelan for inspiration.


Something Wickedly Weird
The Wooden Mile

Written and Illustrated By Chris Mould
Published by Roaring Brook Press, New York
First Published by Hodder Children’s Books, 2007
A division of Hachette Childrens Books, UK
Middle Readers, ages 9-11

Chris Mould, an award winning illustrator, applies his creative talent to his first authorial debut, Something Wickedly Weird, The Wooden Mile. As the title promises, this captivating story takes the reader on an adventure with Stanley Buggles an eleven year old heir to the Candlestick Estate on the weird island of Crampton Rock. Even on the first night of his arrival at Crampton Rock, Stanley’s young mind burns with questions: Why won’t the housekeeper, Mrs. Carelli, explain the strange circumstances of his late Uncle’s death? Why is no one in Crampton Rock allowed out after dark? And did that stuffed pike at Candlestick Hall just actually speak to him? Later, Stanley also has encounters with a werewolf, and some scheming pirates. One is left wondering; will Stanley live out his life to enjoy his inheritance?
This a great book to capture the imagination of even the reluctant boy-readers!

Chris’s accompanying cartoon illustrations are richly rendered with pencil, ink, and possibly other mixed media. I also appreciate Mould’s sharp eye for historical architectural detail that he has somehow cleverly combined with a Dr. Suess-like defiance of gravity. Wickedly Weird makes for a very enjoyable eye-treat! I love the scrappy little crab that appears on each new chapter heading.

Meet Puberty Boo!

An Introduction to Puberty Boo...

Hi there to you people who have nothing else better to do than to read my mom’s very nerdy blog (hey, I almost called it a “blob”, oooops!). I am Puberty Boo. I am sort of real, but not. Theresa, my mom, who is real (have I lost you yet? I don’t blame you if I have) has created, me, a fictional teen aged daughter inspired by a mish-mash of her own teen kids, and their friends combined to create me, Puberty Boo. In this way, she feels she can preserve her kids’ dignity, but also to feel free to exploit their cute foibles and laughable teenaged antics to the world. She tells me poor Robin Milne who was the real Christopher Robin from the Winnie the Pooh stories, never got to live down his Pooh past through all his adult life. Theresa/Mom thinks she is sparing her kids, but, really, who is she kidding?
Mom thinks that because I am being newly introduced to the world that I should have a cute theme song. A cute theme song??? What the hell? Oh yeah, Mom will let me swear my head off, if I want. She wants me to be as “authentic” as possible. Since when is hell, even a swear word anymore? Geez. Anyway, back to this stupid theme song she’s made up. She thinks it’s quite clever. You be the judge.

It is sung to the tune of “Cruella Deville” from Disney’s 101 Dalmatians.
Don’t know the song? Download it from YouTube, Neanderthal.


Puberty Boo,
She’s Puberty Boo,
She really grumpy,
And pimply too!

That greasy hair,
Really needs a shampoo,
It’s Puberty, oh,
Puberty Boo!


See you in future postings. Or not.

-Puberty Boo